Lassen in Winter

I said goodbye to you in that long drive
Down Sierras, down river beds and waterfalls,
Flowing from the unforgiving snow,
Flowing from ice packed peaks of the burning mountain.

How appropriate I fled from you, from the final gesture
Of touch, which you could not comprehend.
How wondrous is a man who loves a woman,
How tragic is a man who cannot love.

I slipped into dormancy and silence, years have frozen,
Carved my outward form as ice, I am all stillness and waiting,
Sleeping these thirty years, imagining myself awake. 
Until last night in a dream. You touched me.

I cannot fathom what you want from me now
I understand my heart in view of loving you
The woman who would search a thousand miles
Of sorrow to touch your hand.

I dreamt of you last night, kissing my lips so gently,
As you will never do again.  This dream of you
Loving me deeply, embracing me in passion, crying
I want to fill you with children. I awoke weeping.

So stunned at what I've missed in this life
You as my true husband, our children, and love
All forsaken.  So what is left on this earth for me?
And why do you come for me now?

What is there left to do between me and you?
Ah love, you are too late, spring has died in me.
I am only autumn and incense over a barren grave,
Waiting for a final snow fall, Lassen in winter.

©  2001 J.L.Stanley